Monday, September 19, 2005

Chelsea FC



An unlikely title for sure. It's true, I am not the most ardent football fan in the world (FC stands for Football Club by the way...I know that much). However I do occasionally deign to grace the sports world with my presence and turn up to watch a football match. Mostly this has been to Dave's footie matches back when we were dating and I thought standing in the rain on a cold Saturday morning was the most romantic thing ever.

But I have also seen 2 professional matches...a few years ago I saw Barcelona play in Nou Camp stadium...and 2 weeks ago in Old Blighty I had the unforgettable experience of watching Chelsea play at, er, the Chelsea Stadium, I forget what it is called. Let's call it 'Bob'.

So Dave and I turn up to Bob Stadium less than 24 hours after getting off a plane from Russia, and decide to celebrate jet lag by thronging the streets with about a million people dressed identically - in Blue Chelsea Shirts. You know in "Willy Wonka" that girl turns blue and spherical after eating the chewing gum with the Blueberry Pie dessert?....yep, a bit like that, multipled by a lot.

It was an alien landscape for a girl whose team sporting activities consisted of swinging a net attached to a pole, and propelling rock hard balls at other girls (aka Lacrosse). Everyone seemed very jolly of course and there was lots of sponaneous chanting and guffawing...and I felt some bonhomie for my fellow fans. Until I was stopped from entering Bob Stadium from an official in a day-glo orange bib. He eyed me suspiciously and insisted that I remove.... the cap from my water bottle.

Apparently I looked like the kind of sinister lout that would mindlessly throw the bottle cap at players on the pitch, thereby potentially causing one of them a small scratch just about the eyebrow. Strangely perceptive of him I thought. Sadly this event was to have more ramifications than I suspected....dah, dah, dah...

So we lined up like caged beasts (with Dave's sister Christine and nephew Matthew who had come up from Bournemouth to join us)...and waited with the bustling blue crowd till we could get into the stadium. Tension was running high as the clock kept on ticking....5 minutes till kick-off and we were still lined up....3 minutes to kick-off.....oh no, we were going to miss the beginning of the match! 'Now we'll never figure out, whodunnit' I thought to myself.

Eventually we got in and ran up 3 flights of stairs to the nose-bleed section of the East End stand, squeezed past everyone else who was already seated and sank exhausted into our seats. I leaned back to recover and discovered I was entangled with the man behind me. I tried hunching over in my seat instead, clasping all my belongings to me in my alloted square foot of space. The pitch was blazing bright and there was a sea of blue shirts filling the 30,000 seater stadium...it was very impressive. I could even tell which team was which (they were playing Sunderland)...but was perplexed for a while trying to work out which way they were trying to go.

Then the fateful moment arrived. A harrassed man arriving late suddenly plunged at our row and started barging his way past, I hardly had time to grab my things and stand up before he was there, pushing past me....then the men in front of me leapt up, shouting and grabbing at their shirts...it was a blur of confusion..what was going on? Why were they suddenly angry? Where were the oompa loompas when you needed them?

In that instant, the sound of running water caught my attention, I glanced down and saw in my own hand my water bottle tipped upside down - lidless - and dousing the men in front of me. I was pouring a lot of water down the back of their shirts.
I could have pleaded jet lag...I could have pleaded my gender....I could have cried....I could have got punched, more to the point. But I did what all good cockneys would at that moment, I dropped me aitches...."Sorry mate, sorry about vat lads, forgot about me water bottle being lidless, bless yer 'arts gents, sorry mates, my mistake"

So that was my eventful footie match with Chelsea.
(Oh and they scored twice by the way)

12 Comments:

Anonymous The Husband said...

I can't believe my wife calls the sacred Stamford Bridge "Bob" and has lowered the seat capacity by 11500. We will have serious words. Apologies to the CFC fans out there.

1:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:34 AM  
Blogger A.J. said...

Personally I think your re-telling of your adventures is much more exciting then watching sports in Bob's Stadium. Sorry Bob. I have to say we were in Applebie's (or something like that) the other night when the Manager was offering us a table with a few of the American football match on TV. I told him I wasn't really into that to which he said his daughter wasn't either but she really liked soccer. I said "Ah yes.... she must be a leg girl as those soccer players (or football depending on which nation I am in at the time) do have the nicest legs. Is that what attracted you to Dave? :-)

4:29 AM  
Blogger Adele Richards said...

In response to AJ's astute question:

Yes I am a 'leg' woman, and footballers do have the best ones.

I would wax lyrical about Dave's anatomical excellencies at this point.....but it's not that kind of website.

1:35 PM  
Anonymous The PAnts said...

Bob is a great name for Stamford Bridge, because that's all the team is worth.

9:00 PM  
Anonymous pant said...

Is your site called Randomaneous because you're looking for a random man, or because you don't know your elbow from your eous?

9:02 PM  
Anonymous pant said...

Is your site called Randomaneous because you're looking for a random man, or because you don't know your elbow from your eous?

9:02 PM  
Anonymous pant said...

Is your site called Randomaneous because you're looking for a random man, or because you don't know your elbow from your eous?

9:02 PM  
Anonymous pant said...

Is your site called Randomaneous because you're looking for a random man, or because you don't know your elbow from your eous?

9:02 PM  
Anonymous pant said...

Is your site called Randomaneous because you're looking for a random man, or because you don't know your elbow from your eous?

9:02 PM  
Anonymous pant said...

Is your site called Randomaneous because you're looking for a random man, or because you don't know your elbow from your eous?

9:02 PM  
Anonymous pant said...

Is your site called Randomaneous because you're looking for a random man, or because you don't know your elbow from your eous?

9:02 PM  

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