Sunday, October 02, 2005

On Leaving...

Oh weep. Oh gnash.

Well friends I'm on line to tell you the horrible truth. (By the way if this is your first visit to my Blog - and I have been bullying everyone I know into checking it - you should probably page down and read something a bit more cheerful than this - perhaps my Chelsea article...or the Obituary section of your local newspaper)

I know I should really have been more prepared for leaving. We have known about it for getting on for over 6 months....but it was worse than I thought.

Usually my contemplative nature keeps me nicely out of touch with my feelings at moments of crisis. For example when the glue sniffer on a remote Indonesian island leapt out from the crowd and started punching me in the arm. He had one arm mysteriously stuffed up his t-shirt which intrigued my contemplator. I stood frozen to the spot, while the glue-sniffer enthusiastically used me as a punching bag.

Meanwhile I was pondering such interesting questions as: "Why is this man attacking me?" "Hmmmm, I wonder if I did something to offend him, perhaps I stepped on his toe?" "I wonder why he has his arm stuffed up his t-shirt" "Is he maimed? Or does he have a weapon up there?" "This is probably demonic." "Hmmm...I wonder what I should bind?"

Meanwhile, Nicole (Martian, the intrepid Aussie) was screaming, jumping up and down and finally grabbed my arm and dragged me away - with aforementioned glue-sniffer chasing us and continuing to punch me in the arm.

Ahhhh...good times.

Anyway if you would like to come on a missions trip with me, you can go to

So back to the woe at hand. As you can tell from this, I am handling the situation with the use of the three D's.

Distraction, Denial and Drugs.

My feelings in this instance (leaving TO)were engaged and largely overwhelming. Saying goodbye was horrible, awful, wrenching, yukky, sad and strangely wonderful.Strangely wonderful in that I was struck afresh with what incredible people I have the privilege of being friends with.

The thing about leaving a place is that it finally gives you perspective on it. I actually feel like I have left my home. And while I was there I was never really sure if Toronto felt like home.

I always knew my friends were amazing, witty, courageous and dynamic people...but now I realise that they are the Crown Jewels of my possessions. (Not that I OWN you or anything, lest you feel the urge to change your name and phone numbers and apply to the witness protection scheme).

You (you know who you are)are so incredibly important and valuable to me. I am so gutted that you are currently so far away and yet so grateful to God for having let me into your lives just a little bit. Ahh, it all sounds so cliched, but I feel it and I know it so strongly.

By the time Sarah drove us to the airport early on Saturday morning I couldn't even speak. I throw words around so liberally that they sometimes seem to me to be a de-based currency. Suffice to say, I couldn't even say anything to Sarah as we hugged goodbye. I love her so much there is nothing to say to express it in words.

I went into survival mode at that point, not consciously. It's strange to observe yourself trying to cope. The mechanism that I clicked into was 'not thinking about it'. So an Oprah magazine, 2 films and a Bill Johnson session on my Ipod later...I went to the toilet on the plane and started to cry.

Luckily when you come out of a plane toilet crying it seems to everyone else like a perfectly reasonable reaction to having to pee in a confined space used only by people who always hit the toilet seat. Why these people then feel the urge to throw toilet tissue around the cubicle like confetti is a mystery to me. [Alyn & AJ, please could you look into the phenomenon for me, and perhaps create a video blog?]

Enough said.

(especially about the pee)

We miss you. We love you. We are sad. But we really, really love you. Oh, and miss you. And I think I was trying to end this.


(Did I mention we really love you?)


Anonymous Lynley Allan said...

Lunch at 99 seemed so vacant without you today. Many people, yet Dave and Adele eating fresh shrimp rolls. Sniff sigh. I love you. Had a private wail myself on the trip home Friday night. Miss you already but know this is God's plan for you in which we will see Adele at her finest.

love you

12:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Oh gosh, we love you two so much that it seems lame to leave a comment saying that, but here goes anyway. We love you! We treasure you! We value you!

I just wish I could be witty in comments instead of serious.

3:21 AM  
Anonymous Alyn said...

Wait... the blinking blogspot said I was anonymous in my last comment - but I am not! It was me! I said I loved you both and I am proud of it!

(slightly wittier, but not quite there yet...)

3:23 AM  

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