Thursday, December 15, 2005

Christmas is coming... and the goose is getting fat

A little known fact.

I once took the starring role of the 'Partridge in the Pear Tree' in a school production of the Twelve Days of Christmas. This seemed like a coup (not a coop) until I realised I had to run on and off the stage 12 times (every time the partridge is mentioned) while dressed up as a tree with a partridge on my head.

Still, when it comes to dressing up in outlandish outfits, I should mention that another time I was the Mock Turtle in 'Alice in Wonderland'. I had a great big shell, a green hood and they covered me in so much green make-up that my eyebrows were green for 2 weeks. I also had to sing "Soup, Beautiful Soup" which was a bit nerve wracking as I can't really sing very well. But I figured that a mock turtle might not be able to sing either and so crooned away disharmoniously with equanimity. (and only one of those words is made up.)

Well the more perspicacious of you will probably have guessed that I don't have a lot to say about life at the moment by the fact that I am dragging up this old nonsense from the past. (I also once dressed up as a hippo and was paid to lie on a bed in a shop window and wave at people).

Also I seem to be using some very large words. In my defence, I haven't used them all year and if I don't get them out of the cupboard and dust them off occasionally they go mouldy.

Here are a few more: rumbunctious, postulate, syncopation and idiosyncracy.

There's a prize for the person who can make a sentence out of all those words. (Or make the best Partridge in a Pear Tree costume.)

And so back to the mundane. I, like many of you, have been spending a large amount of time and money fighting my way through the crowds to find the perfect Christmas present (or 23). Except in my case there are no crowds. And the parking is free. And I don't really have too much else to do, so it's not really that stressful.

I can only apologise.

Yes I have been scurrying about the stores of Taupo in search of items with the 'je ne sais quoi' requisite for friends and family. Every year I determine to simplify the present buying process. I try to get some perspective. I try to realise that I may not be able to get each person the absolute, perfect gift. I resolve to fret less, to stop trying to be a mind reader, and just buy some nice generic things....socks, chocolates, soaps...


No, instead I drive myself absolutely crazy trying to get the thing..THE VERY THING...they have been longing for all their lives....

And of course the whole process is incredibly complicated by the fact that I haven't seen most people for months on end and have no idea if they would like the DVD collection of 'Fascinating Facts about Phalanges'. If they already have the gold embossed version of it. If they hate phalanges with a passion. Or if they even have a TV any more.

>Deep sigh.<

I comb through the shops looking at every item...muttering a mantra..."Adrian, Adrian, Adrian...." so I am totally focused on all that person is and represents to me. I pick up every item....until I find something that I think is right. Second guess myself 16 times...and then go through the whole process again "James, James, James".

By the time I've bought 3 presents I feel like I've climbed Everest or something.
I sit down to peruse my hoard....with a feeling of satisfaction...that soon turns to panic when I realise I still have another 20 people to buy for.

But the thing is, and I think this is the real reason I can't ever give up on finding something just wonderful for each person, I totally LOVE buying gifts. It brings ME pleasure. I get a kick out of it. When I find that something that might just work, it's like I've just won a mini-lottery. I like to picture the enjoyment the person will get out of it. The way that they will feel upon opening it. In my idealised world they will feel "YES! I am known and loved and understood" and the gift will communicate how much I love them and how cool they are and how precious to me. That is the hope fluttering in my chest.

So I'm coming out of the closet.

Remember the 5 Love Languages?

Yes, I am a 'gifts' person and I just can't help myself.

Moreover I LOVE it.

So if you receive a gift from me (and Dave of course) this year and you don't like it, feel downright insulted by it, think it is the last thing on the earth you would ever want, feel deeply wounded that I know you so little and want to spit on it....

....just know that I tried, I really tried.

And maybe next year I'll get you chocs or socks."


Anonymous Stuart said...

I am going for the big prize. However it is difficult to render an appropriate piece of prose when the words given to use are spelt incorrectly. So I will take the liberty of changing idiosyncracy to idiosyncrasy. Or perhaps this is one of those little known English vs American english (note little e) idiosyncrasies.

So here goes.

There was a little rumbucous girl named Adele who had a very strange idiosyncrasy that caused her to postulate what would happen if Dave was to snore with syncopation.

Whats the prise?


10:31 PM  
Anonymous Stuart said...

A declare that the prize should be a Ponsonby pie.


10:34 PM  
Anonymous Alyn said...

"I totally LOVE buying gifts. It brings ME pleasure. I get a kick out of it."

Adele I want you to be happy. I want to see you get a kick out of things I want to see you being brought pleasure in life. And I know you LOVE buying gifts so I made you a wish list that you can browse, buy and be happy.

Go nuts. You know you're worth it.

10:58 PM  
Blogger Adele Richards said...

Dear Stuart, are you sure you haven't judged me for mis-spelling words?

I love your entry and am almost ready to hand over the largest, most succulent Ponsonby Steak & Cheese pie to you.....but I feel I must wait for some more entries first.


10:59 PM  
Blogger Adele Richards said...

But Alyn, a wish list just totally stems my creative juices.....what joy can be gained from purchasing you a grey chammy to place on your keyboard??

Where is the originality? Where is the thought? Where is the....flipping credit card...ok then, you win.

11:02 PM  
Anonymous Stuart said...

Perhaps I have judged you...... that is very funny... I laughed out loud when I read my comment. Anyway, many of the differences in spelling between english and american english involve s & z. I am just adding another one.


1:16 AM  
Anonymous Mr Pants said...

Forget the pleasure from buying the gift. Think about the pleasure of thinking of me and repeating my name over and over again – "Pants. Pants. Pants".

And what do I get for Christmas? Hundreds of pairs of pants!

For all you North American types, that's Briefs to you – Briefs with an "s" not a "z".

9:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't smell to save my live.


11:41 AM  
Blogger s@bd said...

what's that saying?
Oh My Giddy Aunt?
(What is that all about, anyway? I use it ... and I have no idea what I'm talking about.)

Let's see ...
Running Partridge - hysterical.
Singing Mock Turtle - hysterical.
Hippo Model - hysterical and *intriguing*. Images of you lounging in a fat suit complete with massive snout while walkers-by, oblivious to your true beauty (and previously-mentioned, fabulous hair) whisper to themselves about 'that poor girl with the misshapen nose and funny skin tone ...'

Gonna' have to call you on:
Rumbunctious. Not actually a word, chickie. Were you going for Rambunctious? Sorry - can't help myself.

And I wouldn't worry about the whole gift thing. You can't possibly be one of *those* people! You know the ones! The ones who get you a gift which you open ... and mutter something gracious while thinking to yourself, "DO YOU KNOW ME AT ALL?!"

1:16 AM  
Blogger Ash said...

Wow Adele - you've written 3 entries since I last checked your blog and I try to check it very regularly, but I obviously need to be more regular. I haven't got a clue what a single one of your long words mean. I've never dressed up in a hilarious costume. But I definitely know exactly what you mean about the joy of buyinh gifts for others! I absolutely LOVE to do that and for all the reasons you mentioned!

Love you loads xxx

5:17 AM  

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