Thursday, December 29, 2005

Susannah & Trinny

How I wish I could meet these two gals.

For those who've never heard of them - they are the original hosts of 'What Not to Wear' a scandalously brutal TV program that takes women who dress like bag ladies and turns them (against their will, often) into glamorous chicks.

For those of you who THINK you know what I'm talking about because you've seen some knock-off of this have been sorely misled. For example the Canadian version of WNTW is a travesty of the original. Now my dear Canadian readers please do not take this personally. But really, the Canadian people are not well known for their skills with sarcasm. The cutting comments on the Canadian WNTW were so blunt they could hardly get through melted butter. No, until you've experienced the true 'Trinny & Susannah' have not seen what 2 women can do to the weaker of the species. And they are so charming with it.

First they go through the victim's wardrobe and ridicule it - scribbling with markers on nasty items (jogging trousers are a particular favourite)and even ripping up others. Then they interview the victim's friends and family to collect a video of just how awful everyone thinks they look. THEN they show the video to the unsuspecting frump (she always cries at this point).AND THEN they take the frump into a 360degree mirror and force her to undress down to her underwear. So now this poor woman is in her greying saggy undies in front of the UK viewing audience...and if that isn't indignity enough Trinny & Susannah start grabbing at her boobs and bum and manoeuvering these quivering jellies into positions they think would be more flattering. (18 inches higher than where they are.)

It's totally fabulous.

Then they go on to scold, ridicule and generally bully these weeping, haus fraus in various department stores....grab at them a bit more...and eventually present the quivering wreck back to her uncharitable friends and family. By now the QW (quivering wreck) looks a million dollars, is grinning like a loon and looking dangerously like she is considering leaving her stolid taxman husband.

I repeat. It's totally fabulous.

Anyway, in the spirit of Trinny & Susannah I gave myself a stern talking to for looking like a dowdy sack of spuds, looked unflinchingly at myself in the mirror, grappled myself about a bit...and took off down the shops.

But here is the clever bit. I took my friend Laura with me.

Now every girl needs a Shopping Genius - and I in fact have 2. Laura Taylor and Sarah Dalley. If these women are with me, I can make no mistake. They unerringly steer me towards the most fabulous purchases, coo wonderfully, tell me I look fabulous and get very excited as I part with money on my new sequinned watermelon-coloured boob tube.

So, ladies...and ladies (the male readers tuned out at about the second sentence)...I am now the proud owner of a designer, yes a DESIGNER John Rocha. It was in the sales too! I tried it on and Laura nearly fainted. Without even looking in the mirror I was already going to buy it - what a reaction. Going shopping with a high influencer is the bomb! Anyway it is this totally fabulous chocolate faux-fur bomber jacket. Sounds hideous, but is so wonderful. Also it is so soft it is like having a pet slung around you.

I feel Trinny and Susannah would approve. And I didn't even need to stand around in my undies on national telly.


Blogger s@bd said...

Sign me THE HECK UP!
I want to see this show! This FABULOUS show!!

(Little-known fact: I actually want to BE ON THE SHOW. I want to HOST. I WANT TO BE MEAN & SARCASTIC TO BAD DRESSERS!! err ... not sure where that came from ... )

And the jacket sounds heavenly. I went to a gallery (clothes shop sounds far too pedestrian) in NYC once with designer one-of-a-kind items galore. I just about wept. The sighing fabulousness of it all ...

And now I shop at Old Navy. Cuz their clothes are cheap and usually fit.

6:43 PM  
Anonymous alyn said...

Uhm... I'm a bloke and I made it all the way down to the bottom of the entry. I even read Shannon's comment. What does that mean?

7:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

May I just add here that the glamorous Delly looks fabulous all the time and she found the jacket herself. Saying that it is unbelievably fab and should be worn at all times. Even though Trinny and Susannah are brutal you can't help but love them and want them to come round and get the mirrors out.

Laura xxxx

10:39 PM  
Blogger s@bd said...

yes, anonymous (or "laura" as you seem to have called yourself)! I agree! I have never - not once - seen Adele looking anything less than just-stepped-off-a-runway-fab. And I know fab. I used to be fab too! Ask AJ! It's true.

But now I shop at Old Navy. Cuz their clothes are cheap and usually fit.

Gotta go - my husband is currently making me a Bailey's shake (ice, banana, whipping cream (I could drink that stuff ... in fact, on bad days, I DO!) and BAILEY's.). It's our anniversary and I don't want him to know that I'm blogging ... when I'm supposed to be making gooshy eyes at him.

Well, I suppose the gooshy eyes will happen ... once I get one of those Bailey's shakes.

2:55 AM  
Anonymous krista said...

I have to admit Shannon gave me two skirts once that she had in her closet, and i get more compliments on those skirts then any other dressy item i have ever have. shannon you have great taste.
alyn i don't know what it could mean that you made it through everything. maybe people aren't writing you enough emails still?
and adele you are my accessorizing turqoise and all manner of bright beautiful color wearing friend. i love your style.

9:40 PM  
Blogger Ash said...


I can not imagine you ever looking like a 'dowdy sack of spuds'. The mirror must've been lying to you!

You always look fabulous!

10:24 PM  

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