Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Do they give you a snorkel and mask...or just flippers?

So I had my first visit to my midwife today at Taupo Maternity Hospital. (With Dave. We had our first visit.)

Picture a Hi-de-Hi chalet....or a cute Girls Dorm room...and you'd be on the right track.

Nothing at all like ER. No machines or masks or George Clooney running around yelling "myocardial infarction". Apart from the lack of the Clooney (now there's a good name for a baby....) it was all quite a pleasant relief.

Also, my midwife....or widmife as I like to call THE CUTEST.

Imagine having Nicole Martin as your midwife. (Ok is this getting too weird for you chaps out there?). Awwww she is just so nice.

Although I have to say as the conversation progressed I started to wonder if underneath the smiling blondeness...she was secretly quite insane.

You see she kept talking about NATURAL birth and NATURAL pain relief. And then she went on about how WATER really helps the birthing process. And honestly I frowned a little as I was actually picturing me drinking litres of Evian while giving birth. And I was thinking to myself - "so are you saying forget the drugs...just get a few pints of water down you??? How can that be right?" I've never notices the analgesic benefits of Le Glass Du Tap Water before.

Then it HORRIBLY dawned on me that she was ALL ABOUT the water births. I mean eeeewwwwwwwwwwwww. They don't even give you a weird mis-shapen 'I'm giving birth" swimsuit. It's all natural in there let me tell you. (Boys? Boys? You still breathing?)

Next she'll be telling me that the best bet of all is sprogging forth actually in the the middle of a triathlon....oh and drinking a few pints of it for good measure.

Yes so the next glad tidings were (and I can hear Shannon falling off her chair already about this one)...that they don't give epidurals in Taupo. Oh no! Gosh darnit...we just breathe in and out and sip water and we POP them out here in Taupo.

No, if I need any actual you know DRUGS or stuff I have to go to Rotorua which is an hour and a half away. Hahahahahaha (hysterical laughter). Yes they can give you a bit of gas and air here in Taupo - but she looked a bit disapproving about the unnecessary use of gas. She chirpily gave me some kind of statistic about how in her 12 years of being a widmife none of her patients had ever needed an epidural...and if you're properly relaxed and all (y'know by the water you're glooping around in) should have no problems. hahahahahahahahahaha.

Also she doesn't really believe in scans. But she will let me have some.


In her defence she really did have the nicest gold sandals on. But is that enough to make up for a lack of epidurals?



Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh dear! Maybe you should consider the water birth. Do they even have a hospital in Taupo? Why not have the baby in the Uk where I'm sure a choice of drugs is available? Love you

10:49 AM  
Blogger chirobiro said...

Hang on in there Adele.

You may find that like the wierd "the Frog is Dead" local thing, there may well be a local "herb" of choice for birthing mother to much on. Avoid the mushrooms.... Just get a little nervous if they start talking about a birthing tree, with low branches to dangle off!!!

Your Widmife sounds fantastic, I hope she will be a real source of help and advice for you, and possibly fashion and foot wear fellow diva.

PS, you haven't actually told me yet whether you think I am completelt dodgy or not with old, relaxation stuff I wrote before??? does the silence speak volumes...???. Don't worry i have broad shoulders, tell me what you thought of it.

lots of love


11:16 AM  
Blogger sLeEpY*~*sArAh said...

I don't know what to say really . . .I'm horrified!
My midwife is nice, a little odd and I get the feeling she wants me to have a home birth (yeah cuz I'm gonna clean up THAT mess!) but she said that gas and air(?) and epidurals are available if I need them.

I don't know if I'll need them considering I've never given birth before (some people say theirs was painless, and some people say theirs were painFUL) but the fact that the drugs are there just in case I ever think I can't handle it is a nice reassurance!

I . . .I . . .I don't think you're midwife is SANE! You said that didn't you? Well, I'm inclined to agree! But maybe there's a way around it all. Or something.

Maybe giving birth isn't as painful as some women lead us to believe? Maybe it's actually ok, a little awkward but ok.
I know what I could do! My baby's coming out before yours, so while I'm in the hospital I'll grab a handful of epidurals and mail them to you! JUst a thought . . .

3:14 PM  
Blogger A.J. said...

Oh dear.... ummm... well you are a strong chickie you'll do fine!

On the other hand you could find a friend in Auckland that you can stay with and camp out there a few days before due date and have the baby in a real hospital with real drugs?! Just a thought! that's what the Cree Indians do as their clinic is not an actual hospital they move to a city with a hospital a week before due and then travel back home a few weeks after the baby is born and they know everything is fine.

Of course what do I know so don't listen to me anyway OK!!!

Oh wait I know you could move back to Canada the month before and stay for say a month or so after and that way all your friends here will be around to support you and we HAVE real hospitals!! Yep, I like it… it is good!

3:43 PM  
Blogger Charlie said...

I can't help but wonder what Virkler would say about all this...
I on the other hand am mature enough to handle it.

4:41 PM  
Blogger Andrushka said...

Has she given birth? Does she know what she's talking about? Are fun golden sandles really the credidation that you're looking for in a midwife? MAYBE, if say, you DO take a case of Evian into the delivery room with you, you could have Dave empty the bottles before hand, and fill them with gin. ? . Would that help? Oh RIGHT! The no alchol for preggie ladies. DANG IT! Second time this has happened... it was a GOOD idea, then the baby gets in the way of the plan... Um.. yeah sorry, no useful suggestions other than that.

4:47 PM  
Blogger s@bd said...

I'm sorry. I think I just about fell off my chair. I'm pretty sure I must have hit my head. I think you said that you have to drive 1.5 hours to get an epidural. But probably I mis-read that.


I was SO the 'go natural or go home' girl until ... well probably you (and most of your readers) don't want to see my entire birthing story right here and now.

Here's the thing: I tried the water. (trust me: the being nekkid part is the least of your worries at that point) I HATED it. I felt like I was drowning. I stayed in as long as I could and then had a complete panic attack (because I felt like I was DROWNING y'all) and had to be airlifted out (ummm ... that's what it felt like) because, have you ever tried to get yourself out of a giant bathtub when you're having contractions and carrying around, like 50 extra pounds? Exactly.

The epidural was THE BEST thing that ever happened to me. Ummm ... beside meeting Jesus, getting married and having each of my children - WITH AN EPIDURAL.

As I've said before: You wouldn't have a root canal without drugs so you could brag about doing it 'naturally', would you? me neither.

7:24 PM  
Anonymous jason w said...

Perhaps you should attempt the Bentley method, by which I mean moving the birthing location out of water or land and into ether, aka the third heaven where the curse doesn't apply.

Here's how it works: you're's out...then you're out.

2:22 AM  
Blogger A.J. said...

Oh my gosh Jason you kill me!

3:56 AM  
Blogger Ash said...

I personally think you should go to the nearest town that does have epidural on offer (just in case!).

6:01 AM  
Anonymous caroline<> said...

That is halirious!:)
If you DO decide the water birth option~ Dave clad in shorts could join you in the tub too for support and encouragement...modern man ~ on TLC birthing story that often happens:) :)
I would tend to go near drug supplies, as better to have full range of options open to one in such situations...

3:35 PM  
Blogger weegeemcschuler said...

someone prophesied not dates nor mates but BABIES over me two weeks ago...what happened to the rule of N"no dates mates or abbies..." I guess that was T.O.
Oh well we'll see what happens in the future...glad you can be my guinea pig addeller! hee hee. I'm sure the super researching Dave will find the best answer for you and voila - sane or crazy widmife you'll be fine :0)
PS I'm just back from CTW - and have a million freckles to prove it! yeah for the Brit skin

7:36 PM  

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