Friday, April 21, 2006

A post that is probably a little too much on the anatomical side with certainly too much gratuitous honesty

Ok, ok, so eventually I will get around to filling you in on our trip to Toronto (TOO fabulous), my brother's wedding (WONDERFUL) and my birthday (modesty prevents me from blowing my birthday trumpet on this one).....but first I just wanted to do a bit of off-roading on the subject (yes you guessed it) of being pregnant.

Now before we get started, if you could go behind the screen and slip into this backless white shift and lie down...that would probably put you in a good recovery position for what you are about to read.

So here we go (and remember you can call the nurse in for a sedative at any time...but I can't guarantee that it will take away the scary mental pictures I am about to introduce you to. In fact if you have a heart condition, high blood pressure or are on any medication you probably shouldn't read on).

I love being pregnant. No, I really do. Despite feeling rubbish most of the time...the puking, the nausea, the weird taste in the mouth, the sudden inability to climb stairs, the fact that I can no longer digest and speak at the same time. Yep despite all that, it is SO FLIPPING COOL. I mean you just can't get past the fact that there is a BABY growing inside you. I mean it's just the most wonderful thing. Also, you don't have to do anything to make sure it grows the heart ventricles correctly or that the nerves all go to the right places - cos God is taking care of all the actual detail. All I have to do is try and keep some food down occasionally and not go sky diving, rollercoast riding or bungee jumping. It's not a big sacrifice.

Mind you, people say some weird things to you when you're pregnant. And they keep staring at your stomach. Which is kind of a new experience...especially when the baby isn't really showing yet and so what they're actually staring at is (as my midwife puts it) displaced fat. MMM...nice. Check out my 'displaced fat' people!

Actually, ever the aspiring advertising exec, I've decided to put a spin on it and call it my 'mummy honey'. Yep the mummy honey is spreading around. Some people seem to mind this as it makes them feel fat - honeyfied - but I am enjoying the podge. I mean you've got to have some evidence of things changing haven't you?

Yeah so now people are talking to me about whether I can feel the baby move. Well I'm 17 weeks and most women don't feel anything till 20 weeks...but of course some I thought I'd give it a go.

The problem is I've kind of lost track of my stomach. I mean where is it these days? It's migrating up my body so that eventually it will end up kind of under my left armpit (and I'm not even exaggerating). But where is it now? And where is my bladder at exactly? Cos you see I don't want to be gripping the wrong body part trying to feel a 'fluttering'.

I think it goes in this order: displaced fat (mummy honey), stomach, uterus, bladder, toenails....or something like that. In which case I think I do sometimes feel a fluttering in the right place.'s all a bit tricky. A girl at church who is preggers too, tried to show me yesterday where my uterus is (while we were having a cup of tea after the service)...and she kept talking about squishy bits and firm bits and feeling something.....but I couldn't work it out - all feels the same to me. I did tell her about Lynley making me put my hand down her trousers to feel the baby move....heh heh heh...which sounded suitably shocking. Mind you considering we were groping our stomachs in church I don't think we were exactly on the modest end of the scale.

Do you need that sedative now? Cos it's only going to get worse. This is the home stretch.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the time when I can definitely feel the baby kicking me and elbowing me and headbutting me and all that good stuff. This is not a guarantee that I won't be moaning about it constantly when it starts to happen. I excel at moaning and I won't waste a good opportunity.

In the meantime the only really good fun anatomical development is a little higher up in the SPHERE of things. (Sorry boys, but seriously this IS going to turn into a breast feeding blog so you might as well get used to the unwelcome images now...or just quit reading - it might be better!!!)

This is GREAT. I have turned from a 'cup half-empty' kind of girl to a 'cup definitely full' kind of girl. And I am anticipating my cup running over.

Yep, being pregnant is great....and more importantly I can't wait to see the cute little munchkin that arrives at the end of it all. So today when I've finished barfing I'll sit around looking content and bovine, with my hand on my bladder....waiting for the little kicks.



Blogger Laura said...

hello there
Shouldn't Dave be keeping us posted about the cup size thing? By the way your missing some rather good Dr Who. Shall I tape it for you?

oo oo TIT JET (well actually it was tiu jet but at first glance!)

11:27 PM  
Blogger Ash said...

You're so cool!

3:04 AM  
Blogger Andrushka said...

Soooooo.... happy(?)... for you?
WAIT WAIT! The best thing to do, would be to show your child this post when he/she is older. If it's a boy, it'll leave a nice, fat scar on his psyche.

2:45 PM  
Blogger chirobiro said...

Aaaaaah, so sweet. Am sooo chuffed for you. Wishing you many happy days of rib tickling and boogying about... and thats just you and Dave! ..... Hope little miracle starts making some groovey turns soon


PS sorry to miss you this visit. hope you had a great time, and can catch up on some recouperating sleep.


6:29 PM  
Blogger A.J. said...

I think that since it's Dave's baby as well you can guarantee you WILL feel kicks, punches, cycling, running and head butts!

9:43 PM  
Blogger s@bd said...

OMGSH - my feed isn't working (or something) - I didn't know about this post until JUST NOW.


1. Eat/drink something with sugar in it. Lie down on your back. Wait a few minutes. You should feel the movement on the inside not on the outside (yet).

2. My goodness, I was expecting talk of cervixes (sp?) and the ripeness thereof, what with all the warnings.

3. Wait until the cups run over. I REALLY REALLY don't like having monstrous boobs. They flop all over and you can't get a decent night's sleep without being half-smothered by them. But maybe you'll like that ...?

2:44 AM  
Blogger Adele Richards said...

Laura - I think Dave is too mesmerized to blog any more..about anything...

Ash - you are so sweet!

Andrushka - you think my boy won't be liking the talk of his mummy's bits and bobs? Doesn't sound like any child of dave's

Fee - sorry to miss you too

AJ - yes the only baby to complete a Ironbaby from within the womb.....plenty of swimming practise going on already I'm sure

Shannon - ahuh...ahuh...ok...I think I've got it.'s only motherly to be smotherly....

3:22 AM  

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