Thursday, August 03, 2006

Jane Fonda never had a workout like this one....

Ah remember the 80s?

Purple lycra leotards. Leg warmers. Leroy from Fame. Jane Fonda, whippet thin, flinging her legs up to her earlobes?

Well our dear friend Jane missed a trick. The outsides may have looked toned to within an inch of her skeletal structure...but what was the fitness industry doing for the humble internal organ, I ask you? Nothing. That's what. (Unless giving middle aged women heart attacks counts).

Fear not dear friends, as I am personally righting the wrongs and redressing the balance. Yes, the outside may be a little flabby (can I help it if the baby insists on bacon?)....but my insides are getting the workout of their lives.

"How?" you cry.

Well thanks to this:


Mmmmm....Pregnancy Tea. And just in case you can't read the label it says, "Supports the regular tone of the uterus, the normal kidney functions and the nervous system".

But how does it do this miraculous uterine workout?

Well with a concoction of Raspberry Leaves, Lady's mantle, Nettle, St John's Wort, Lemon Balm, Horsetail and Yarrow.

Somebody please tell me that Horsetail....er....isn't.

And what does this miracle juice look like?
Like this:


Mmmmm. And I only have to drink 3 cups a day. My midwife promised that it tastes a little like grass cuttings.

Disturbingly I am finding that a) this is true and b) I rather like it.

Never having been much of a one for the old herbal remedies and all things natural...I feel quite liberated to be Little Miss Herbal. I am also dosing my hot water bottle with lavender oil to promote sleep.

(Haven't noticed it working so much as yet. But the bedroom does smell of old ladies. Which is nice.)

But the tea does seem to be working as I am having "tightenings". The technical term for when your stomach kind of goes rigid and you can bounce coins off it. It's quite exciting. This is all getting the uterus in training for popping the baby out in 6 to 8 weeks time.

Can you believe it? I'm 32 weeks this Friday and so my due date is 40 weeks....but it can happen any time from 38 weeks. (Just ask Lynley).

Last night at antenatal we were discussing the signs of labour. Seems like it's a tad tricky to tell when you are actually in labour. You know, unless you see the baby's head....

But one of the signs that you are about to go into labour is something called "a show". Just in case you are eating I won't describe what this is exactly. Let me just say...'something comes out'.

Well I was REALLY trying to behave myself at the class last night but this was all too much. I mean there's only so much comedic material a girl can ignore.

I started humming the theme to The Muppets Show. Which led to a little re-enactment..."What do you think of the show so far?" "Rubbish!".

Then switched to belting out 'The Phantom of the Opera!'. Finally lifting one leg and yelling out "Oh no! I think I'm having a show!"

Let's just say, I am creating an impression in these classes.

Meanwhile I was trying to get - ooh a tightening...live on blog - I was trying to get Dave to take some more pregnancy photos of me. Unfortunately this is what happens when a Mover personality is asked to take a picture of a Faffer personality:


I was still removing the cat fur from my bump as the photo shoot started. I did just about manage to get all of me in one photo before he finished. Can't really see the bump....but at least you can see the cute cardigan that Miss Dalley sent to me.


Unfortunately for the state of our floors the nesting instinct hasn't kicked in yet. Unless printing off photos of you lot, framing them and putting them all over the house counts. It's nice to see your smiling faces around me.

Ok that's all the news from here...

xx

2 Comments:

Blogger Charlie said...

The show must go on!
You're crazy Adele.
I think you have pregnancy-brain...

2:15 PM  
Blogger A.J. said...

Sad to say I still don't see a bump either but I believe you as I was there when throwing up and eating strange meals in short intervals was the in thing to do!!!

5:02 AM  

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