Sunday, December 31, 2006

2006 (we finished it before you did, so ner)

Hmmm well last year I seem to remember writing some lengthy review of 2005 which involved a lot of skipping about like a small girl with rope from country to country....leaving one continent and starting up down under.

So as I paced the floor at 1am this morning with Honour (I was doing most of the pacing) I started trying to compose a review of 2006.

It's a little less geopraphical than 2005. Basically all that has happened is that a) I got pregnant (still no idea how that happened - answers on a postcard please) b) 9 months later I gave birth (that wretched stork never did turn up with its cute little bundle so I had to do all the dirty work myself and c) since then I have been looking after delightful child (no I'm not talking about Dave).

So a pretty drastic year for us...but perhaps not so much in the telling. Despite this I am determined to write something about 2006 and so here for your edification and delight (or perhaps as a cure for insomnia) is my review of 2006 (in roughly chronological order)

In 2006 I have been mostly:

Weeing on a stick (ok, only a couple of times)

Eating potatoes


Groaning in the bathroom

Groaning in the lounge

Groaning in the car


Puking in the bathroom

Puking in the shower (ewww, rice crispies, shudder)

Puking in the car (but actually I made it home in time... unlike my good friend Lorraine who once puked in her handbag due to morning sickness)

Eating potatoes some more

Larking about with Sarah Dalley on her visit to NZ

Puking some more

Larking again.

Larking and puking and parking and luking.

(Ok enough with the vomit. That was the first threee months of the year)

Writing radio commercials with too many sound effects

Flying to Canada.

Getting happy seeing friends.

Getting happy eating Tim Horton's Bagels and Milestones' asparagus dip.

Flying to UK.

Going to my Bro's wedding.

Getting happy seeing friends.

Puking (last time)

Flying back to NZ.

Puking (ok, I Iied before)

Growing a bump.

Trying to capture bump in photos.

Trying to persuade Dave to take photos of bump.

Trying to take photos of bump myself with a cunning use of bathroom mirrors.

Trying to get photos of bump without a toilet in the background.

Forgetting things.

Forgetting more things.

Forgetting the things I'd forgotten to forget

Forgetting words...and names....and dates

Eating more potatoes.

Teaching at the Fatherheart School in Taupo

Going to antenatal classes

Making inappropriate jokes at antenatal classes

Resolving not to make any more inappropriate jokes at antenatal classes

Forgetting resolve and making inappropriate jokes at antenatal classes

Getting very biologically aware

Getting very anatomically aware

Making more inappropriate jokes

Crying a lot for no reason

Crying a lot for good reason

Crying a lot for whatever jolly well reason I like cos I'm hormonal so DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

Apologising for crying a lot

Moving house

Trying to sleep on my left side only

Pacing the floor in the middle of the night while fighting the temptation to sleep on my right side

Sleeping on my right hand side

Feeling guilty for sleeping on my right side

Rolling back to my left side

Throwing pillows around and sighing

Getting up and pacing the floor


Eating potatoes

Mastering technology

Well, learning how to do a podcast anyway

Using too many sound effects on a podcast

Learning how to do a video blog

Having a baby

Walking like I just got off my horse

Being amazed at baby

Learning to feed baby

Not sleeping much

Looking like death warmed up

Loving baby

Going slightly crazy

Taking photos of baby

Taking more photos of baby

Taking even more photos of baby

Uploading all photos of baby to blog

Testing the patience of blog readers with photos of baby

Testing the patience of blog readers by writing about nothing but baby

Being amazed at how hard it is to be a mum

Being amazed at how fulfilling it is to be a mum

Changing nappies (700 so far - Dave did the maths)

Changing Honour's clothes

Developing one large bicep

Getting back ache

Thinking that getting up at 5.30am is a late morning

Thinking that 3 hours sleep in a row feels good

Having fab visit from Alyn & AJ

Having fab visit from the Dalleys

Having Christmas with my fab parents

Not updating blog much

Trying to capture Honour laughing and gurgling on camera

Making Honour stop laughing and gurgling by shoving camera in her face

Starting to read books again

Feeling vaguely human

Looking forward to 2007

Ummm...anybody still here???
Award of a small pony to anyone who makes it to the end...

That's all folks...have a great New Year!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Christmas Letter from Honour

Dear all, Honour here.

My parents have asked me to write a Christmas newsletter to you all to make up for the scandalous lack of Christmas cards they have sent out. (They seem to think they have been a tad busy of late, but I can't think why - all they ever seem to do is coo at me.)

2006 started rather dramatically for me - and indeed it was the start of me. To recover from this, the first few months of the year I just floated around, slept a lot and had food constantly on tap. It was like being on a cruise.

I hear that you've had some pretty major things happen for you in 2006? Same here. Major events of 2006 worth mentioning; growing organs and limbs, gaining weight, gaining use of arms and legs, moving about rather a lot and eventually swinging upside down and standing on my head. So yes, quite a lot has happened this year.

September 30th is a day that stands out in my mind - as it came time to disembark from the cruise ship. After a fairly short and squishy journey I arrived in a place called New Zealand. First impressions of New Zealand - very bright and with lots of interesting sounds. I rather enjoyed using my eyes for the first time, although I was often found to be looking quite confused by what I saw.

In New Zealand the big people seem very surprised by me and everything that I do. They spend a lot of time staring at me, putting their mouths on me (they call is kissing) and carrying me around. They also talk a lot of nonsense. Mostly they say the same things over and over again, "Aren't you cute?" "Is it time for a nap?" "Shall we change your nappy" and "I don't know why she's crying!" They also complain about being tired a lot. They should really try and get more sleep.

So I don't make the big people feel bad about their lack of vocabulary I restrict myself to a few basic sounds, namely; coo, goo, rrrrrr, and I also squeak a lot when I laugh. They seem to understand these basic sounds perfectly as they always smile and nod, even copy the sounds when I make them. By repeating this over and over I hope to be able to teach them to talk to me normally one day.

Other things I have done this year; learned to hold my head up, smiled, rolled over a few times, learned to suck my fists. In fact when the lack of decent conversation is really getting to me, I just try to put both my fists in my mouth at the same time. I can play this game for hours. Ok, minutes anyway.

Well, I'd better get back to my busy schedule - a baby's work is never done. There is always more eating, playing and napping to be done!

So let me just say that is has been a real pleasure to meet some of you this year, and to those I have yet to meet - I am looking forward to it like a new parent looks forward to a full night's sleep. (My parents seem crazed with excitement when I sleep 7 hours or I've recently decided to do this most every night as my Christmas present to them).

Have a wonderful Christmas and an exciting New Year,

With lots of love from Honour


Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Mother Love

I think I may have solved the world energy crisis.

Yup, on an average of 5 hours sleep a night I have done what the G8 couldn't. You may start your applause.

Yes, this new fuel has actually been around for a long old time. You don't dig it out of the centre of the earth. Just out of the core of your being. It's called Mother Love.

Mother Love could easily fuel a car. It could certainly keep your national electricity grid sparky. It could even put a baby on the moon.

(Not that we would want to cos then we couldn't cuddle the little smunshkin munshkin.)

The only issue we have left is how exactly to harness this new superpower. (Jason Wendle of Harvard I expect you to solve this part of the problem by tea time please.)

No-one actually warned me that I was about to be hijacked by this overwhelming power. No-one could have explained to me the way it grabs you by the guts, places a tight band about your heart and makes every cell pulse. And jiggle. And jive.

It's overwhelming.


Sarah sent me a congrats card that read. "So this is what love at first sight is about"

The person who designed that card had obviously been in the grip of this superpower too.

Mother Love creeps up on you for 9 months and then leaps on you suddenly. Knocks you to the floor, rolls you over several times and punches you in the gut.

It's wonderful.

And terrifying.

And all consuming.

It makes me want to walk up to every woman who has a child and shake her by the hand.

I want to ask her in awe, "How did you survive? How do you live under its spell and still manage to act so normal?"

It's so ordinary. Having children. Almost 50% of the population either has done it or will probably do it in the future. Some people do it over and over again.

And yet.

And yet I can hardly imagine an experience that would impact you more. That could so change the fibre of your being. What could be so radical that it changes you into a different person in the blink of a small babe's eye?

If aliens landed in the garden tomorrow and asked me to be queen of planet zog, I think I would be a little underwhelmed. Compared to the experience of the last 9 weeks of my life.

Mother Love. The fierceness of it. The dedication of it. The fact that it seems to come with resources of selflessness and patience you never had before.

Also anxiety. And guilt.

Mother Love changes everything into 2 time periods: Life Before. And Now.

Now. Now everything is alright if she is alright. And nothing is right if she is not right.

Of course this power, this selflessness that rises up out of nowhere is demonstrated on a daily basis less by feats of physical courage and more by a million small unheroic acts.

Forgoing that cup of tea because she is thirsty. Letting your dinner go cold because she is hungry. Holding off your trip to the bathroom because she needs changing. Ignoring your aching back because she needs carrying and consoling.

And there are limits to it. Scary limits that terrify you when you reach them. When you think you just can't go on another moment. When you've been up since 3am and it is now 6am and she is still crying. And everything in you is crying out to just put her down and walk away.

But that thought - that you could actually do that - is so terrifying that you just hold her tighter and keep going.

Mother Love. It has to be from heaven. It's an out of body experience.

And to think however much I - imperfectly but violently - love Honour, that the originator of this love, the Superpower Himself, loves me more.

Now that makes me feel, very, very safe.


Just one more thing to say before I go and feed my daughter:

Thanks Mum.

Monday, December 04, 2006

What do you do with your spare 5 minutes a day?

I fill in internet questionnaires...

Funnily enough I was drinking cocoa/hot chocolate as I was completing the questionnaire.
Also, cuddling really IS my superpower. Just ask Honour.
As for the rest of it....well it's a good thing I use my powers for good not evil, that's for sure.

Aw go on, have a go yourself and make sure you tell me what your results are.

(hey whaddyaknow....a post that isn't ENTIRELY about babies...)