Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Mother Love

I think I may have solved the world energy crisis.

Yup, on an average of 5 hours sleep a night I have done what the G8 couldn't. You may start your applause.

Yes, this new fuel has actually been around for a long old time. You don't dig it out of the centre of the earth. Just out of the core of your being. It's called Mother Love.

Mother Love could easily fuel a car. It could certainly keep your national electricity grid sparky. It could even put a baby on the moon.

(Not that we would want to cos then we couldn't cuddle the little smunshkin munshkin.)

The only issue we have left is how exactly to harness this new superpower. (Jason Wendle of Harvard I expect you to solve this part of the problem by tea time please.)

No-one actually warned me that I was about to be hijacked by this overwhelming power. No-one could have explained to me the way it grabs you by the guts, places a tight band about your heart and makes every cell pulse. And jiggle. And jive.

It's overwhelming.


Sarah sent me a congrats card that read. "So this is what love at first sight is about"

The person who designed that card had obviously been in the grip of this superpower too.

Mother Love creeps up on you for 9 months and then leaps on you suddenly. Knocks you to the floor, rolls you over several times and punches you in the gut.

It's wonderful.

And terrifying.

And all consuming.

It makes me want to walk up to every woman who has a child and shake her by the hand.

I want to ask her in awe, "How did you survive? How do you live under its spell and still manage to act so normal?"

It's so ordinary. Having children. Almost 50% of the population either has done it or will probably do it in the future. Some people do it over and over again.

And yet.

And yet I can hardly imagine an experience that would impact you more. That could so change the fibre of your being. What could be so radical that it changes you into a different person in the blink of a small babe's eye?

If aliens landed in the garden tomorrow and asked me to be queen of planet zog, I think I would be a little underwhelmed. Compared to the experience of the last 9 weeks of my life.

Mother Love. The fierceness of it. The dedication of it. The fact that it seems to come with resources of selflessness and patience you never had before.

Also anxiety. And guilt.

Mother Love changes everything into 2 time periods: Life Before. And Now.

Now. Now everything is alright if she is alright. And nothing is right if she is not right.

Of course this power, this selflessness that rises up out of nowhere is demonstrated on a daily basis less by feats of physical courage and more by a million small unheroic acts.

Forgoing that cup of tea because she is thirsty. Letting your dinner go cold because she is hungry. Holding off your trip to the bathroom because she needs changing. Ignoring your aching back because she needs carrying and consoling.

And there are limits to it. Scary limits that terrify you when you reach them. When you think you just can't go on another moment. When you've been up since 3am and it is now 6am and she is still crying. And everything in you is crying out to just put her down and walk away.

But that thought - that you could actually do that - is so terrifying that you just hold her tighter and keep going.

Mother Love. It has to be from heaven. It's an out of body experience.

And to think however much I - imperfectly but violently - love Honour, that the originator of this love, the Superpower Himself, loves me more.

Now that makes me feel, very, very safe.


Just one more thing to say before I go and feed my daughter:

Thanks Mum.


Blogger A.J. said...

That was lovely (and slightly scary! as I can't possibly understand all this yet!)

Thanks for sharing!

1:43 PM  
Blogger s@bd said...

I might be crying just a little bit.

5:41 PM  
Blogger A.J. said...

OK and then you go and add pictures of the gorgeous child and she takes your breath away!!!!

4:03 AM  
Anonymous caroline <> said...

it is a remarkable thing how much you can love a wee one and burst to hear their wee voice... I love my god daughter to bits and I know my own will take that love and bubble it a million fold! It is mind blowing. Honour is most cute looking forward to another honour video soon:)
I just found a dream you had had for me about 19 months ago and you know I think it is coming to pass:):)go prophetic lady go spot on it was.

5:25 PM  
Anonymous LA said...

Beautifully written. I couldn't have expressed it as perfectly as you have, so thank you, thank you for making me cry as I share your experience of mother love.

6:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like a serious bout of post-natal depression.

7:04 PM  
Blogger Linda Hope said...

Adele, i think you almost made my eyelids spill juice! I've always said i can wait, but i look forward to being a mom, now, after reading your post...i'm almost at the edge of "i can't wait" teamed with an even more potent "i'm so looking forward to..." AHHHH!!!!

Thank you for this beautiful post! I love you and i miss you soo much!!


5:05 PM  
Blogger A.J. said...

Since December 6th I have been waiting, hoping, longing for the day when the Adele would return to amuse, inspire and delight us with her posts!

I fear she may have caught the evil non-blogging virus which her husband has been afflicted with!

5:29 AM  

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