Friday, January 19, 2007

Motherhood 101

As I wrote to Krista today, to be a mum it's like you have to hand in all your 'I know how to do this' chips at the beginning and buy a large slice of humble pie.

Although to be honest, I never actually had any of those 'I know how to do this' chips. And I got given several slices of the pie for free.

The first nappy I ever changed was Honour's. Baby ignoramus, that's me.

A case in point: I've invented a new way of tending to Honour's fingernails.

They have become very sharp and she keeps scratching herself and leaving shameful (for me) red welts all over her body. So before I get arrested for some kind of child abuse...I've been mulling what to do about it. Without accidentally cutting her fingers off with a pair of nail clippers.

I had the brainwave while feeding her this morning that I should try and nibble them off. (It's a glamorous life for me...do you want to hear about how I clean her nose...and get ear wax out of her ears too?).

So while she was distracted by feeding I grabbed a hand and started gingerly chomping away. Unfortunately at this point she finished feeding and was not distracted and so wanted to wave her hand about. But couldn't cos it was in my gob. I knew I was at a critical point in the 'save Honour from scratching her own eyes out' policy so I did what I could, to get her attention.

I went cross-eyed. And rolled my eyes. And wiggled my eyebrows. And contorted my face. All the while nibbling on my baby's fingernails.

She stared.

I remained cross eyed.

I nibbled like a rabbit.

Her nails are done.

Yes, you can put that in your book of 'Top Baby Tips'.

Or perhaps more likely in your book of 'Mental Notes - Ways in which I do not want to raise my child'

Your call.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Kristy said...

Did you know they make little wee tiny baby nail cutters? Perhaps faster than nibbling...

10:50 AM  
Blogger A.J. said...

Hey baby genius! Believe it or not your brain wave technique is a proven one! See you are a genius!

Now when I say proven I have seen several members of my family (cousins mostly) do exactly that ... wait until they are feeding and begin to nibble. Mind you I am sure no child has ever enjoyed a show with it! It's like dinner and a movie! If you find she just starts laying there after feedings and staring at you, you know she's looking for entertainment!

12:21 PM  
Anonymous krista said...

i too, have seen others do this adele! you are a natural mother. it's in your genes or something! i don't care how many pieces of pie you've eaten. :)

9:08 PM  
Blogger s@bd said...

I'm with kristy on this one: there are baby nail clippers. They're weencie, eensie and they WORK.

Sit with the child on your lap (her back to your tummy) so you're using the clippers the same way you would if you were using them on your very own self.

Trust me - it works.

4:23 AM  
Blogger Adele Richards said...

oh but i have the teensy weensy clippers...

...but they are for 6 months plus...and i am very law-abiding....

...and also afraid to use them in case i take her fingertips off...

but thanks.

7:01 PM  
Blogger s@bd said...

you're my favourite

:-)

1:27 PM  

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