Sunday, April 08, 2007

Reasons why I'll never be a tooth fairy

1) I'll never be a tooth fairy because...I once spoke to the tooth fairy in anger.

When I was a wee mite I used to place my teeth under my pillow before I went to bed. Um, perhaps I should clarify that statement. I mean the tooth or teeth that had fallen out.....not ALL my teeth. I wasn't a 7 year old with dentures. Hey do you remember that weird feeling when your tooth was all wobbly and just hanging by a thread...and you could poke your tongue at it and wibble it around? I used to like that feeling, but perhaps that is just me. ANYWAY, I'm getting off track here.

Yes so, there was one occasion when, as was the custom, I placed my fallen-out tooth in a matchstick box and placed it under my pillow before I went to bed. This was because (as everyone knows) the tooth fairy will come in the night while you are asleep and take away the tooth and replace it with a gold doubloon. Or, ok, a 20p piece. I was very excited about this transaction. More for the fact that a fairy visited in the night, rather than the cold, hard cash.

But on this occasion, the tooth fairy did not come.
So I put the tooth under my pillow again the next night.
And the tooth fairy did not come.
So I did again.
No fairy in sight.

So now my 7 year old self turned with ire upon the previously much-loved tooth fairy. In high dudgeon I wrote a large note - in anger - to the tooth fairy and left it on my bed so that she would read it and weep when she finally got around to her duties.

The note read: Dear Tooth Fairy, You did not come. So I have thrown my tooth out of the window!

And I had indeed, done just that. That'll show the stupid tooth fairy for spurning me!

Well, the next morning (a defining moment in my life) I was amazed to find that the tooth fairy had indeed been to visit in the night and SHE HAD LEFT ME A NOTE. It was a tiny, tiny note in miniscule handwriting on a very small piece of paper slightly bigger than a postage stamp. And it read "Dear Adele, I am sorry for not collecting your tooth. Love, the tooth fairy". Beside it was a fifty - yes FIFTY pence piece.

This was just about the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me. I had a real live note from a fairy! And it was so small and cute. I felt incredibly special - the tooth fairy must have felt very bad indeed about neglecting me! Ah, I can still remember how it felt to receive that note from a fairy. So amazing.

It was of course quite a number of years before I realised that it was my mum who had taken the time to write the teeny tiny note.....but it didn't spoil it, because how cool was she to do that?

2) I will never be a tooth fairy because....I was caught giving a false impersonation of the tooth fairy.

My younger brother James was just the best younger brother when we were growing up, and not just because he would give me his sweets after I'd scoffed all mine. No, another good reason was that he would believe what I said. I told him I had a magic train under my bed that would take me away every night to Fairyland. And he believed me; checking under the bed all the time to see if he could see it. So cute.

But this only encouraged my leanings toward the fantastic and also the deception of my brother. So one night when he had just gone to bed but I was still allowed up for another half an hour cos I was older (ha!) I dressed up as the tooth fairy (in gauzy fabric and with a wand) and hovered about in the doorway of his room in order to convince him he was being visited by a real, live fairy. Perhaps one that had arrived on the train under my bed. Unfortunately I was so thrilled with my own cunning that I couldn't stop giggling. Hence my brother wasn't taken in for one instant. Bah.

3) I will never be a tooth fairy because...I didn't actually realise that Honour's first tooth had arrived

I knew one was on the way (the last three months of drooling and gnawing gave that away) and I'd even spotted it in the gum before it came through (once Sonia the loveliest midwife in the world pointed it out). Then I felt the top of it all pointy and tooth-like. But I didn't actually realise - ta-daaaah - it was HERE. I thought it had to be all sticking up and white and toothlike before you could, you know, make the big announcement...bake a cake, hire a band etc. So, er, BIG ANNOUNCEMENT - her first tooth arrived about a week ago on her half-birthday.

(sound of a damp squib).

4) I will never be a tooth fairy because...I had just emailed some lucky, lucky people about the fact that Honour had her first tooth...when I saw I'd somehow managed to miss the SECOND one right beside it.

So, er, yes she has TWO teeth. And more on the way if the bright, scarlet cheeks mean anything.

Anything other than the fact that it is SO embarrassing to have me as a mother, obviously.


Blogger Lynley said...

I do feel that an opportunity for your redemption may come when H is about 7 herself and looking expectantly for the fairy to come. You might have to get out your tutu!

9:39 AM  
Blogger A.J. said...

Oh and if you do please take out your video camera as well because we WILL want to see that!

3:04 PM  
Blogger Ash said...

That is so cute that Honour has her first two teeth already! Wow - time is really goiing by quick.

Have you bought her a baby toothbrush?

5:55 AM  
Blogger MaisonGroove said...

only experience will make the tooth fairy perfect. i believe you will make a great tooth fairy so don't give up still got a few years of time to practice and be in training and you got dave ...try convincing him!
lis and sven

6:40 PM  

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