Crouching baby, Hidden irish dancer

Ang Lee's latest film was inspired by a Jolly Jumper, I'm sure.

A Jolly Jumper is not a cheery kangaroo....nor even a brightly patterned sweater....but a springy contraption you hang in a doorway, pop your baby in and settle back for the cutest moments of your entire life.

Honour looks like she is auditioning for a cross between Lord of the Dance and a martial arts film as she leaps off the floor and is suspended in the doorway.



She also does a mean impression of Marcel Marceau:


And here am I being charmed. Unfortunately I had just removed my knitted bonnet....when WILL you get to see it?


She's just heard that Michael Flatley is on the phone...

You'll never guess who's bought a new camera...

No need to look so sad about it, sweetheart.

(Please note she is swaddled to within an inch of her life...the new cunning sleep technique. Well, when I say 'new' it's been around for thousands of years...it's just that I only cottoned onto it last week.)

The truly great thing about digitals is that if you take approximately 3,897 photos, you'll eventually manage to capture THE smile. (Also Dave's parents. Though they are easier to catch on film as slightly slower moving.) (Only slightly.)

Photo no. 3,898

Photo no. 3899

Off camera, Dave's Dad has the knack of making her laugh. Like father, like son.

Dave's mum has knitted Honour a new bonnet. Coincidentally she has just decided to join the Quakers.

It's a shame you can't see me in this one as I am also sporting a knitted bonnet.

I'm a little bit biased but is she darn sweet or what? Also, my thumb is pretty cute.

Thought.

If they made dummies with different flavours like ice cream...

....do you think that the best seller would be raspberry nipple?

Motherhood 101

As I wrote to Krista today, to be a mum it's like you have to hand in all your 'I know how to do this' chips at the beginning and buy a large slice of humble pie.

Although to be honest, I never actually had any of those 'I know how to do this' chips. And I got given several slices of the pie for free.

The first nappy I ever changed was Honour's. Baby ignoramus, that's me.

A case in point: I've invented a new way of tending to Honour's fingernails.

They have become very sharp and she keeps scratching herself and leaving shameful (for me) red welts all over her body. So before I get arrested for some kind of child abuse...I've been mulling what to do about it. Without accidentally cutting her fingers off with a pair of nail clippers.

I had the brainwave while feeding her this morning that I should try and nibble them off. (It's a glamorous life for me...do you want to hear about how I clean her nose...and get ear wax out of her ears too?).

So while she was distracted by feeding I grabbed a hand and started gingerly chomping away. Unfortunately at this point she finished feeding and was not distracted and so wanted to wave her hand about. But couldn't cos it was in my gob. I knew I was at a critical point in the 'save Honour from scratching her own eyes out' policy so I did what I could, to get her attention.

I went cross-eyed. And rolled my eyes. And wiggled my eyebrows. And contorted my face. All the while nibbling on my baby's fingernails.

She stared.

I remained cross eyed.

I nibbled like a rabbit.

Her nails are done.

Yes, you can put that in your book of 'Top Baby Tips'.

Or perhaps more likely in your book of 'Mental Notes - Ways in which I do not want to raise my child'

Your call.

The people I hang out with these days

From the left; Sophie, Sam, Caleb, James and Rory

Just so as to remain accountable I should let you know that James is always making eyes at me. Although I see that Rory is trying to crack on to him. You've got to keep an eye out for the younger woman creeping in to steal your man!

Happy Birthday Krista!

It's Krista's birthday (you may have gathered that from the title of the post)....and soon there will be appearing here a fitting tribute. But first....let us all pause and think about what life would be like sans Krista...

STOP!

Too horrible to contemplate.

Instead let us take pause to think of all the many times she has made us smile...
And while you are doing that, excuse me but I must just get to the shower before Honour awakes.

But then, but THEN my friends, we will have a celebratory post.

xx

Family Portraits

Just in case you were worried that my obsessive need to document everything and everyone in photos was waning....

My parents depart tomorrow for Cambodia after a month with us, charming Honour and feeding us every couple of hours. (Definitely the way to my heart - you should taste my mum's melt in the mouth Tarte Tatin with fresh apricots and buttery pastry. Mmmmmm). So before they left I asked Nicole the photographer to come round and catch us en famille.

Much family bonding has been going on especially with Honour. She finds her grandparents extremely hilarious and is always giggling away at them.

You'll notice that there is a new family member - a French Bird (no, not a saucy new au pair).

Special Order Ponies

Another couple of ponies by special request:

Cathy's pony:


Gandalf is a very wise pony. You can tell by the look in his eye. Smart. Very smart. And kind. Not to mention all his mystical powers. This horse dreams and he dreams about you. And it will come true. Also he loves new shoes. He is sporting some very snappy new horse shoes as we speak. Very good pony, this one.

Fiona's pony:


Woah there! We have a live one here people! This pony doesn't take things lying down! Oh no. You call that wall over there an obstacle? Pah! It's just a jumping fence to her. She'll fly over it with style. Wild, wonderful and just a little bit crazy, they don't come any better than this!

Thanks Shannon

Following on from Shannon's recent post (too lazy to make link to her site, sorry)...here is my new year resolution:

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Ride a mechanical bull in drag. Get your resolution here.

Funnily enough, Sandra is going to a birthday party with a theme of Cowboys and Indians and there will be a mechanical bull there. I am already trying to angle myself an invitation as I really fancy the idea of having a go on the bull.

I hadn't considered going in drag though.....interesting....

(although strictly speaking I am always in drag. The word comes from Shakespearean plays where he made a note about a character in the margins: Enters D.R.A.G. Enters Dressed As Girl.)

This is Honour's NY resolution;

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Sleep my way to the top. Get your resolution here.

Sounds good to me (4.5 hrs sleep last night).

This is Dave's:

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Sell myself on ebay. Get your resolution here.

He is obsessed with trading on the NZ equivalent of EBay...so this could be scarily true. Perhaps I can create a piece of toast with an impression of the Virgin Mary on it and he can sell that too. Then with all my ill gotten gains I can buy a mechanical bull.

What? It's a plan.

More ponies in the post (do you have any idea how much this is costing me, and where do you put the stamps on them anyway?)

Alyn's Pony:


"Skittish? Moi?" This hyper intelligent pony is a wee bit excitable, especially in wide open fields (or Mac Stores). It likes to toss its mane back when under the influence, and uses its technological superpowers to vanquish all evil.

Sarah's Pony:


There's something a little bit mystical about this pony - but I can't quite put my finger on what it is. Highly elusive and sought after this blonde pony has a sunny aptitude, loves sushi and is a bit of a whiz in the kitchen.

Lynley's Pony:


Darkly devastating, this is the original Black Beauty. She has a flair for speed, sharp turns, firm decisions and snazzy moves of all kinds. Also greatly enjoys a good bottle of red and the company of good friends.

You've heard of Snakes on a Plane...?

Well here is Ponies in the Post.

As mentioned in a previous post; those who read to the end of my 2006 review get a free pony.

Although the ponies are currently clearing NZ immigration (Krista sent them here and I will send them on to you...) I thought you might like to see what is wending its way to you...

Linda Hope Cho's Pony:


This Spanish Pony is called Hiraldo. He eats only Paella and has to have a siesta every day between the hours of 12 and 4. But he's so charming and cuddly that he's worth his high maintenance ways.

AJ's Pony:


This handsome beast escaped from Le Cirque Du Soleil where he was part of a three pony team trapeze act. He enjoyed the performances but couldn't get on with the lycra outfits.




Stuart's Pony:


Keep your eye on this prankster - he's always playing practical jokes. That 'clingfilm over the loo seat' trick went down a treat in the stables.

(clingfilm=surround wrap)

Krista's Pony:


This pony is no ass, although it does have a very cute backside. Also lovely soft ears. Just like Krista.

Charlene's Pony:


This handsome brute nearly qualified for America's Next Top Model. But the gap in his front teeth and southern accent didn't go over well in the Cover Horse commercials for Hay flavoured Lipgloss.

Ash's Pony:


This little cutie pie (in front) can survive in very harsh climates and retain a winning attitude. If she's feeling a bit low she whips out her knitting needles and makes socks. It cheers her up no end.

Joy's Pony:


This pony is a smart cookie and likes to be at the cutting edge of technology. This Christmas he was delighted to receive a video ipod on which to record all his self-made movies including his food reviews "The Galloping Gourmet!" and his medical drama "Doctor, Doctor I'm a little horse"

Shannon's Pony:


This snappy dresser even looks good in his stripey pajamas. He stands out from the crowd, especially when performing his party piece - singing Carmina Burana with a pineapple on his head.

What no photos of Honour?

Ha! As if....





Right now I should be hotfooting it to the shower. But I'm not. I'm blogging (duh). Mostly cos my legs won't work.

Yep, since I proudly announced that the wunderkinde was sleeping through the night - she stopped. Sigh.

I am hopefully attributing this to a growth spurt as she does seem to do everything on cue - and 3 months is another big spurty time. She slept 9 hours the night after my parents arrived but since then has basically been waking every 3 hours.

And LAST night...I got 50mins sleep...up for a couple of hours with screaming (her not me)...then 2 whole hours then up again...etc. The EVIL WIND has returned for a short sojourn (I trust).

Strangely 2 hours in a row seems quite restful these days.

Sigh. Am knackered.

Still, the breaking news is that she can hold her head up like a trooper (I'm presuming troopers are good at holding their heads up....what is a trooper anyway?) and she is practising her sit ups.

She is looking at her hands and clasping them together....and was spotted at several times to HAVE HER THUMB IN HER MOUTH. This is an exciting development for me as it means she can suck away at that...instead of....er....finish that sentence yourself. (No, she won't take a dummy/pacifier or a bottle).

AND (lest the excitement carry you away) she is NOTICING her toys and giggling at them. She is particularly fond of the strange purple giraffe with multicoloured bulbous feet that hangs over her head on her playmat. (But aren't we all?)

Yes so there you go - do I get an award for the most fascinating post ever???
(Perhaps a pony?)

About that pony...

(read previous post first or you may think I have lost my mind)

(what do you mean you thought that already?)

So it seems that several of you are anticipating the arrival of your ponies. Hmm, I wasn't actually expecting anyone to read to the end of the post. Fortunately Krista has sent me a batch of ponies that she was supposed to be awarding as prizes from her blog awhile aback.

Unfortunately they are currently stuck in NZ immigration going through all sorts of biohazard tests to make sure that they haven't smuggled in any rabies (do ponies get rabies?)...or have any of that supremely evil substance - SOIL - on their hooves. You see New Zealand is largely free of all evil bugs and viruses and so before they let random ponies in the country they have to do thorough tests.

Along these lines, it was headline news on the TV last week when some kids found a snake's skull in the gutter outside their house. A national enquiry commenced. Furore abounded. Scandal whiffed.

Strange. Until you realise that there are no snakes in NZ. Not a single solitary snake. Unlike Australia where there are snakes a-go-go...not to mention just about every other thing that can nibble, sting or smother you to death. Including Russell Crowe.

Anyway, a follow-up story appeared on the national news the next day, where a neighbour of the children who found the snake skull came forward and confessed. Turns out the snake skull was a prize possession that her boyfriend had brought into the country. And that in the heat of an argument she'd thrown it out of the window.

So, phew. NZ can breathe a sigh of relief. We are still a snake free zone.

That should help you sleep better tonight.

(So, I'll pop the ponies back in the post to you once they've finished their quarantine. Expect them any time after 2017. Unless you live in Canada in which case the ever brilliant Canada Post (and for 'brilliant' read 'somnambulant' may get around to delivering them sometime in 2056. )